By Dr. Mike Brooks
When is the last time you heard someone say “I will never forgive my ex-wife. She can rot in Hades for all I care.” Or, “If Joe wants me to forgive him he better crawl on his hands and knees begging for it.” How many of us have un-forgiveness in our hearts? We just can’t let it go of the pain someone caused us years ago. It’s all too painful to dwell on the past so we try to forget and move on with our lives but we can’t.
We avoid thinking about the incident and refuse to get help with counseling or coaching and live day to day with unforgiveness in our hearts. We’ve all had someone in our past hurt us in one way or another. Perhaps your parents were critical of you growing up or a teacher wasn’t fair about your grades in high school. These painful memories still can haunt you and leave you with anger, rage, or even bitterness. The purpose of forgiveness is to release the inner struggles that you are having with a specific person. You have to decide if you’re willing to let go of any and all resentment that is holding you back emotionally. Part of forgiving is not seeking revenge against the person who has wronged you. You have to let it go and move forward with your life. Can you do that? Yes you can!
Definition of forgiveness: Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offence, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt’.
I have heard men and women who have gone through a hard break up or divorce who hate their ex’s. The offended person seems to hold on to a grudge and can’t let it go. Many of these break-ups have one of the parties wanting to get even and seek revenge. I think there are better ways to deal with anger than hold on to the past and look for ways to get even. When you forgive someone that doesn’t mean you forget what they have done to you or their responsibility for their actions. It simply means you are acknowledging the hurt but you are moving on with your life.
I know some people who thrive on being angry and bitter and they are difficult to be around and actually seem to love carrying a grudge. What happens when you bring unforgiveness into a new relationship? Usually the new relationship is destined to fail. The right person may come along and you miss out on meeting that person or having a new and great relationship because you’re holding a grudge.
“But understand that the reason it is so difficult to extend forgiveness to those who have failed us is because we are unable to receive forgiveness for our own failures.” – Emily P. Freeman
“Forgiveness is beautiful and it feels good when someone gives that gift to you. But it’s one thing for someone you wronged to forgive you. It was another to forgive yourself.” – Kristen Ashley
Are you harboring unforgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Do you want to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give me a call.
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and from the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!